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Started by Tussa, Apr 21, 2009, 20:39

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Tussa



That is all.
Jenae "Tussa" Godfray
President of Assembly
Meta-Physicist, Mindshifter and Redhead

Kotts

true things.

Xeenah



Is it why he tumbles down?...

:lol:
Quote from: Tussa on May 25, 2006, 09:32
When nuclear holocaust comes and is over, only three things will remain. Cockroaches, Cher and the common cold.

Tussa

Just cause I wanted to keep this one around:



The many different flavours of Metal are very easily discernible by how a specific metal-fan solves problems. For this particular case, the problem consists of a cave, with a virgin, and the dragon that has kidnapped her.


The classic Heavy-Metal fan

He comes riding on his Harley, punches the dragon's teeth out, plunks the virgin on the back of his Harley and takes her to his favourite booze joint - where he deflowers her in the attic.


The Speed Metal fan

The speed metal fan runs into the cave, grabs the virgin and makes off with her before the dragon good and well realises WTF just happened.


The Death Metal fan

The Death metal fan barges into the cave, slays the dragon with his axe, rapes the virgin and then slays her, too.


The Christian-Metal fan

He wanders into the cave, prays to Jesus Christ to give him the strength to vanquish the dragon and rescue yon damsel, then tells her he has to wed her before he can screw her.


The Black Metal fan

The black metal fan wanders into the cave, summons a demon to defeat the dragon, kills the virgin, and performs a dark ritual with her body, black candles, goat's blood and a pink poodle...


The Doom Metal fan

This metalhead plods into the cave, head held low, and sings a slow, lethargic, funeral-march of a song, full of sadness, loss and despair. The dragon becomes depressed, and commits suicide.


The Gothic Metal fan

The goth metaller makes the dragon ponder the deep, existential problems of the world, and leads the virgin to safety while the dragon is distracted.


The Viking Metal fan

This metalhead sails along in his longboat, drunk on mead. He defeats the virgin, screws the dragon and pillages and plunders the cave.


The Progressive Metal fan

The progmetaller runs into the cave, starts a technically brilliant but very boring 34 minute guitar solo. The dragon is bored to death, and the virgin runs away screaming.


The Powermetal fan

This guy leaps into an epic, 3-day battle with the dragon, then delivering a 6 hour elegy / monologue before dying of his wounds.


The Folkmetal fan

The folkmetaller parties hard and invites the dragon to join into the heavy beering and dancing that goes on. While the dragon is asleep, drunk, this metalhead makes off with the virgin, but is sad she doesn't have fairy-wings.


The Nu-Metal fan

The nu-metaller sees how large the dragon is, ponders the uselessness of it all, then hangs himself. The virgin doesn't seem to mind, not thinking he would have known what to do with her, anyways.


The New-Wave-Of-British-Heavy-Metal fan

The NWOBHM fan tries to be grim, dark and true, but is eaten by the dragon.


The Hair-Metal fan

Gets laughed square in the face by the dragon, who then eats him, too - before choking on the elaborate hair-do. The virgin shrugs and wanders off to find a REAL metalhead.
Jenae "Tussa" Godfray
President of Assembly
Meta-Physicist, Mindshifter and Redhead

Xeenah

Quote from: Tussa on Jul 06, 2009, 11:36
The Viking Metal fan

This metalhead sails along in his longboat, drunk on mead. He defeats the virgin, screws the dragon and pillages and plunders the cave.

I spewed my coffee on this one!
Quote from: Tussa on May 25, 2006, 09:32
When nuclear holocaust comes and is over, only three things will remain. Cockroaches, Cher and the common cold.

Kotts


Xeenah

Gotta love the Benny Hill theme there  :D
Quote from: Tussa on May 25, 2006, 09:32
When nuclear holocaust comes and is over, only three things will remain. Cockroaches, Cher and the common cold.